It's Not Worth It
by MusicMeansEverything
Summary: Can Lenny persuade a young girl suffering from builimia that she needs to eat before it becomes a matter of life or death?
1. Chapter 1

Ava got out of bed, yawned and stretched. She went into the kitchen and got herself some breakfast. She ate it on her knees, whilst watching a morning chat show. She went upstairs, got washed and dressed and tied her hair back into a high ponytail. She then tiptoed across the landing to the bathroom and quietly shut the door. She lifted the toilet lid and knelt down in front of the toilet bowl. She put her fingers in her mouth and put them down her throat. She retched and gagged until she eventually made herself sick. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, stood up and flushed the chain. She walked over to the sink, washed her hands and face and brushed her teeth. She left the bathroom with a sort of smile on her face, pleased she had gotten away with it once again.

This was the normal way for Ava to start her day. Not just after breakfast, but lunch and dinner as well. Her body was getting thinner and thinner. Her bones were jutting from her body, she was all skin and bone. She hid her body under baggy clothes, she was so good at it, even her own mother hadn't noticed what was going on. She was now tiny, stick thin, with bones protruding from her body. But she still couldn't see that. She saw a fat, greedy, ugly girl, when she was exactly the opposite.


	2. Chapter 2

Ava walked out of the house and locked the door. A wave of dizziness hit her and she had to steady herself on the hand rail. She let it pass and began to walk to the bus stop. She was feeling light-headed and her vision was blurry. She pushed on anyway. She was just tired and a bit hungry but it'd pass soon. Before she'd even reached the bus stop sh'd had to stop again to steady herself on someone's wall. The third time she stopped, she didn't start again. She collapsed and slumped to the floor. 


	3. Chapter 3

Ava was found by another teenager a few years older than her. He had blonde curly hair and was also on his way to the bus stop. When he first stumbled across Ava he was shocked but he quickly snapped into action. He knelt down beside her.

"Hello? Hello? Are you ok?" he asked, starting to panic. He pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly dialled 999. "Hello? Ambulance please. I don't know, there's this girl lying passed out in the steet. Bennett Road. Thank you." He put his mobile back in his pocket and looked at Ava uncertainly. "Erm, I don't know if you can hear me but there's an ambulance on it's way." 


	4. Chapter 4

When he heard the sirens the boy breathed a sigh of relief. Jeff and Dixie jumped out of the ambulance and ran over to him. He stood up, a look of concern on his face.

"What's your name mate?" Dixie asked the boy, as Jeff bent down next to the girl.

"Harry," the boy said.

"Well Harry, do you know what's happened?" Dixie asked.

"No I-I just found her here. I don't even know who she is," Harry replied.

"Ok," Dixie said.

"Can you get the stretcher Dix?" Jeff asked.

Dixie ran back to the ambulance and returned a few moments later, carrying the stretcher. Jeff rolled Ava onto her side and Dixie put the stretcher underneath her. Jeff then rolled her onto the stretcher and they picked it up.

"Thank you for phoning," Jeff said to Harry, giving him a sort of smile.

Harry nodded and turned to walk away, he suddenly didn't feel like going out anymore. Jeff and Dixie loaded Ava into the ambulance and shut the doors.  



	5. Chapter 5

Ava's eyes began fluttering open when they were on the way to the hospital. She looked anxiously around the ambulance.

"What's happening?" Ava asked, in a panicked voice.

"It's ok princess, everything's ok. You collapsed, can you remember?"

"Erm... kind of. But I'm ok now so you can drop me off here," she said, trying to get up.

"I don't think so," Jess said, gently pushing Ava back onto the stretcher.

"Honestly, I'm fine!"

"We need to get you checked out," Jeff said firmly.

Ava lay on the stretcher and worried. What if the hospital found out what she did after she ate? What would she do? She'd just have to discharge herself as soon as she got to hospital. Oh God, what was she going to do? 


	6. Chapter 6

Ava could feel herself blushing as she was pushed into the ED. How embaressing was this!

"What have we got?" Lenny asked.

"This is Ava, she was found collapsed on the street," Dixie said.

They transferred Ava onto a bed. "Lenny can I have a word please?" Jeff asked.

"What is it?" Lenny asked as they stepped outside.

"I think she's hiding something," Jeff said.

"Why?"

"She tried to aviod coming to hospital and I have noticed that she's extremely thin," Jeff explained.

"I'll bear that in mind, thanks Jeff," said Lenny.

He walked back into Ava. He noticed how nervous she looked. He was going to have to tread carefully around this one. 


	7. Chapter 7

"Ava?" Lenny asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

"No, why?"

"Me and one of the paramedics have noticed that you're very thin."

Ava suddenly became very defensive. "So? What's wrong with that!"

"We're just a bit concerned, that's all."

"There's no need to be concerned, there's nothing wrong!"

"Ok, ok," said Lenny. "I just have to ask."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just want to go home. I don't need to be here."

"Well, you didn't collapse for no reason."

He then turned to Linda. "Could you get me some bloods etc. organized please?"

Linda nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Lenny left the room and walked up to Meg. "I need your help," he said. 


	8. Chapter 8

"I need you to talk to someone for me."

"Why?" Meg asked. "What's wrong?"

"I've got a patient who I think might have anorexia or bulimia or something. She won't tell me but I thought she might tell another female."

"I'll be in soon," Meg said.

"Meg?"

"Yeah?" Meg turned around. "Oh, Zoe, hi."

"Are you going to be ok talking to that girl?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You know, after..."

"Oh, yeah, thanks for asking but honestly, I'll be fine."

"As long as you're sure," Zoe said.

Meg nodded and looked at the door leading to Ava. She took a deep breath and took a step towards Ava. 


	9. Chapter 9

"Hi Ava," said Meg brightly. "I'm Meg and I'm a doctor here."

"Hi." Ava was now beginning to panic. "Can I go now? I'm feeling fine now. If you just take this drip out of my arm, I'll be fine. I'm not ill!"

"But you are ill, aren't you Ava?" Meg said, looking her straight in the eyes.

"I don't know what you mean," Ava said, avoiding Meg's gaze. She picked at her fingers and bit her lip.

"You can't hide it fromm me. I could tell as soon as I saw you."

"Could tell what?" Ava asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"That you've got an eating disorder."

"No, I haven't, I don't know what you mean, you're wrong!"

There was a moment of silence. Ava bit her thumbnail and Meg gazed intently at her.

"But I know you have."

"Well, I know I haven't."

"Ava I can tell."

"How?"

"Because I had one too." 


	10. Chapter 10

Meg left the room and straight away went to the toilets to dry her eyes. Ava sat in silence, by herself, and realised she needed help. She'd admit it, when the doctor came back in that she had...she had...a problem. She couldn't bring herself to say the word-bulimia.

Menawhile, in the toilets, Meg was trying to sort herself out before she went back to the ED. Memories were flooding back and flashing before her eyes. The bullies calling her fat, her making herself sick, her collapsing, her parents finding out, the counselling-she couldn't stop them.

When she'd calmed herself down she stepped out of the toilets, a fake smile plastered on her face. She bumped into Lenny.

"Oh, sorry."

"It's ok, have you spoken to Ava?"

"Yeah, I think she's realised she's got a problem."

"Thanks Meg. I'll go back to her now then."

"It's fine, see you later."

Lenny walked down the corridor to Ava. When he opened the door he noticed she'd been crying but he decided not to mention it.

Ava coughed, clearing her throat and said, "Doctor Lyons, there's something I need to tell you."

"Go ahead."

"I-I think I've got-I think I've got bulimia," she blurted out quickly.

"Ok, thank you for telling me. I agree, I think you might too."

Ava bowed her head and a few tears leaked from her eyes.

"Did talking to Meg help?" Lenny asked.

"Yeah, especially when she told me she'd had an eating disorder," Ava said.

Lenny had a look of shock on his face but he quickly hid it. "Well, your parents are on their way and we'll talk then if that's ok?"

Ava nodded. "That's fine." 


	11. Chapter 11

Lenny had just left Ava talking to her mum and dad. They were separated so things were already awkward, but when he'd told them Ava had bulimia the awkwardness had reached a whole new level. Her mum had been been blaming her dad because he had left them, and her dad was asking how her mum hadn't noticed their daughter making herself sick after every meal.

Lenny was confused. Should he mention to Meg that he knew or should he act like nothing had happened? He didn't want to look like he was interfering but he also didn't want to look like he didn't care.

'I wonder if Tom knows?' he thought, as he opened the staff room door.

"Hi Lenny," Zoe said.

"Oh, hi Zoe," replied Lenny, absentmindedly.

"Whaat's wrong with you?" Zoe asked.

"Oh nothing, why?" Lenny answered quickly.

"You look really worried," Zoe said.

"Zoe, you've known Meg for quite a while haven't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"There's something I need to ask you."

"Fire away."

"Has Meg had an eating disorder?" 


	12. Chapter 12

There was a few moment of shocked silence. Zoe's eyes bored into Lenny who shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"Forget I said anything," said Lenny quickly, busying himself by finding a mug and some coffee.

"What?" said Zoe.

"I said forget I sa-"

"No, before that!" Zoe butted in. "Who said that? Who told you that?"

"Zoe, just forget I said anthing."

"No, I can't ignore what you just said."

"She did didn't she?"

Zoe checked no one else was within earshot, then she nodded. "How do you know?"

"She told that patient I asked her to talk to earlier."

Zoe nodded. She knew talking to that girl would be a mistake.

"Is she ok now?" Lenny asked.

"Yeah, but she was really ill."

"What happened?"

"You have to swear you won't tell anyone about this." Lenny nodded. "Well, when Meg was about fifteen or sixteen these girls started bullying her. Calling her fat and ugly. It went on for ages. She didn't tell anyone, just kept it to herself. She started making herself sick. Then, one day, like your patient, she collapsed, she was at school at the time. She went to hospital and everything came out. She had counselling and got better. Not long ago, before she came to Holby, she relapsed. She nearly died Lenny."

"How do you know all this?"

"My family have known hers for years." Then Zoe suddenly said, "where is she now?"

"I saw her coming out of the toilets earlier."

"I need to go and check she's ok," Zoe rushed out of the room while Lenny sat down and tried to take in everything he had just heard. How had he not known that all this had happened to one of his best friends? 


	13. Chapter 13

"Meg! Meg!" Zoe shouted.

"Yeah?" said Meg, turning round.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I know you spoke to that girl and then she told-she told Lenny."

"Oh... So he knows. What if he tells Tom?"

"It's ok, talk to him and just explain that you need time to tell him yourself."

Meg nodded and bit her lip. She wanted to forget the past but here it was being dragged back up.

Meanwhile, Lenny was back with Ava. Her mum and dad had gone to talk so she was on her own again.

"How are you?"

Ava smiled weakly. "Not bad."

"How have your mum and dad been?"

Raising her eyebrows she replied, "well, they're managing to blame each other so..."

"Ava, I don't know how to say this, and I know it's not this easy, but you need to eat."

"But it's so hard."

"I know, but making yourself sick just so you can look like a skeleton, it's not worth it."

"I know and I want to change but I can't."

"I know it's hard. You know Meg, who spoke to you earlier?"

Ava nodded.

"She nearly dies because of bulimia. So you need to get better so that doesn't happen to you."

"I will, I don't want to be like this, but it's so hard to stop."

Just then Ava's mum and dad walked through the door. Her mum's eyes were red and swollen and she had a forced smile on her face.

"I'll see you later," said Lenny. He left the room, giving her mum and dad a nod as he walked past. Meg was outside, waiting for him.

"Meg?"

"Lenny, I need to talk to you." 


	14. Chapter 14

Meg led the way to the staff room, while Lenny followed her nervously. She shut the door and made them both a coffee. She handed Lenny his without a sound.

"Thanks."

"It's fine. Lenny, I need to talk to you. I know you know about-"

Lenny cut across her. "I'm not interfereing, honestly. I didn't mean to find out and-"

"Lenny!"

"I'm really sorry, I didn't know whether to say I knew anything-"

"Lenny!"

"And I won't mention anything to anyone I swear-"

"LENNY!"

This finally silenced Lenny who looked at Meg in shock. "Yeah?"

"I'm not here to have a go at you. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself." She couldn't hold it in anymore and she broke down in tears. Lenny put his arm round her shoulder and she put her head on his chest.

"Meg, it's ok," he said in a comforting voice.

"Promise you won't tell Tom, I have to tell him myself."

The door opened. "Tell me what?"  



	15. Chapter 15

Meg looked at Tom, a look of panic on her face.

"Tell me what?" Tom repeated. "What do you need to tell me?"

"I'll leave you two to talk," Lenny said, he stood up to leave the room. Meg looked at him with pleading eyes. He shook his head slightly and left.

Tom looked at Meg with enquiring eyes. She sighed. "You need to sit down."

She explained everything. Tom tried to hide his shocked expression but it was very hard. "When were you planning on telling me?"

"I don't know," she cried.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Of course I was. But we were so happy and I didn't want to wreck everything!"

"You wouldn't have wrecked anything!"

Meg began to cry again. Tom pulled her into a bear hug. "Meg? Meg?"

She looked up into Tom's eyes. "Promise me one thing."

She nodded.

"No more secrets?"

"No more secrets. It's not worth it." 


End file.
